This year's "Gress Press" reports:
All thon rubbish in the Tong Chronic(le)
about famous Aird Tong Rock God Alasdair
Mackay changing his name to a squiggle was
allegedly denied yesterday by Plook Records
supremo Ken "Mr 95% + Expenses as well"
Livingstone.
"Having calculated the capital costs of
reinitiating the sleeve design competition
and the potential fourth quarter tax
liabilities incurred if Plook fails to
dispose of the high value prizes within the
specified fiscal period, we have decided not
to proceed with any last minute changes to
Alasdair Mackay, nor to the name of the new
Guireans album", Livingstone is reported to
have declared in a statement from his
Pairc Lane hotel .
Livingstone denied that his eagerness for a
rapid disposal of the sleeve design
competition prizes - understood to be some
dodgy scratchcard holiday tokens
that fell out of a magazine - was related to
the fact that he had declared their value to
the Inland Revenue at "oh, at least £18
million a go, cove. Maybe more.".