Clachan Bar destroyed by Coalition Forces  
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From: MSN Nicknamenelsonmacantshronaich  (Original Message) Sent: 08/04/2003 09:02
Sunday 5 April - Plasterfield satellite news channel Al-Mackinnonsbakery reported today that Saturday's destruction of the Clachan Bar was the result of a stray cruise missile aimed at the nearby headquarters of dictator Saddam Mathes*n.
 
Mathes*n, also known as "Chemical Ali(xander)" due to his notorious involvement in the Stornoway pharmacy business during the 1980s, was believed to be conducting a clandestine stocktake in his Baltic Bookshop bunker adjoining the premises.
 
It is not known whether Mathes*n survived the attack or even if he was present in the building. Speculation as to the dictator's health and whereabouts has been rife ever since he failed to appear on every single page of the Gazette the other week.


 
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From: MSN NicknamePeatboyFunkToo Sent: 08/04/2003 13:31
Yes indeed, the sad news of the destruction of the Clachan (or the Macs, as it will forever be fondly remembered by those who can still remember it) will be greatly missed by a wide cross-section of Stornoway society. For instance, where will the Stornoway Society of Hard Men (Hon Pres Jo* Ell**t) now hold their meetings? Where will the Broadbay Slack Womens Club now meet to exchange knitting patterns? And where will a whole generation of underagers now meet to discuss how much they had to drink last weekend.
It will also be missed by members of the AGOFR scene, as the Clachan was the venue for the final round of the 2002 Annual AGOFR Inter-band Drinking Competition.
Sad days indeed. Maybe some one should write a song about it. Maybe called 'Smoke on the Water with that dram please' or something.