In an exclusive statement given at the end of the Bhard in the Botanics season in Glasgow, the Ac-torrr has stated that he "can't be bothered" ac-ting for the time being and will be moving back to Stornoway for "a wee while". Sources close to the skeletal thespian hinted that he doesn't like the big city and feels that the Bhard season was "a waste of blinking time", working with "a shower of self-important w*****s". 

"I'm far too important to be working with people who think they're more important than me," said the cadaverous scarf-wearer before flouncing off to where his trailer would have been had he been important enough.

Unfortunately the deathly pale arty-type's arrival in Stornoway will not coincide with the Midges of Rock 2003, but you've probably gathered that already.