Posted on behalf of Ken Livingstone, who might me a chartered accountant but can't work the message board:

 

Coinneach & CJ in DJ FJK Shooting?

(from the Los Angeles Gassett and West Coast Advertiser, 9/3/2004)

Expatriate Leodhasach DJ F John Kennedy, was recovering in hospital last night having been shot in his trailer park home near his one-man radio station, MAWW-FM, in Los Angeles.  The moustachioed moonshine-swilling disc jockey, famous for playing only Lynyrd Skynyrd, is ironically a leading member of the National Rifle Association and campaigner for the right to shoot people. 

 

Initial suspicions fell upon Guireans manager, Ken Livingstone and AGFOR svengali, C J 'Zingpop' Mitchell (71), since both are based in America and have had their bands' material rejected by MAWW-FM since 'it didn't have Freebird on it'.  Someone matching C J's description had been seen acting suspiciously on a grassy knoll beforehand.

 

C J was eliminated from the police enquiries, however, as at the time of the shooting he was in Chicago - the windy city that is, not the musical. 

 

A spokesman for Plook records confirmed that Ken was also out of town.  He is currently holding auditions in the Butt of Lewis area for members of a new band - to be known as 'Ness Club Seven.'

 

When the wounded DJ was questioned by the LAPD in hospital, however, the answer to the mystery of who shot F John Kennedy was quickly solved.  It was himself! The amadan had been polishing his Smith & Wesson and forgotten to take the bullets out before rubbing the trigger with a cloth.  Fortunately the bullet never reached any vital organs as it was stopped by F John Kennedy's substantial beer gut (see photo).  Listeners - if there are any - will be pleased to know that MAWW-FM will be back broadcasting again within a couple of days.

 

CJ Mitchell is 83.