As this is cheaper than using the N.M.E. youse'll have the first chance to learn on the Guireans' website about a new Lewis-based band that Guireans supremo / accountant / manager / record company owner etc, Ken "Simon Cowell" Livingstone is putting together.  A spokesman for Plook records made the following announcement from the label's LA headquarters on 1st of April :

 

The new band will be called 'R.A.M.'  They will be fronted by balding Plasterfield h*m*sexual, J*hn Sc*bie and need a bass player, a guitarist and a drummer.  Tapping into the rich source of material from U.S. supergroup, R.E.M. their hits, to be rendered in typical Guireans tradition, are expected to include 'What's the Frequency, Coineach?', 'Losing my Religion (Free Church Continuing)' and 'The Westsider Sleeps Tonight'.  A tour (supporting Sheep Purple, of course) and greatist hits album have already been planned and Ken's usual contract terms (i.e. he gets all of the cash and none of the grief or hassle) will apply.  Those interested in joining should go to Sc*bie's house, knock on the door and utter the secret code phrase :

'Hoi cove, would you like some fisting and I don't mean a fight ?'