GUIREANS REPLACED BY TOP SESSION MUSOS ON NEXT ALBUM?

Newvalley Musical Express : Grimersta - 5/1/2006:

Portly Plook Records supremo Ken "XXL Factor" Livingstone has hired an anonymous group of slick session musicians known as the Dun Ringles to play all the music on the Guireans' next album, a "reliable" source stated yesterday.

 

The rumour follows last week's sighting of chanters being smuggled into Grimersta Studios after a Dun Ringles session, followed by a series of Guireans-like noises from inside the building. The commercial failure of the Dun Ringles' most recent album (and all their other ones) is known to have left them in dire financial difficulty. Now, music industry insiders suspect, aspiring pop tycoon Livingstone may be exploiting the situation by employing starving Ringles Wattie, Jason & Robin to play on the Guireans record for even less than he pays the "real" band. 

 

The token presence of founding member Dead Oileag Guirean Jr did little to dispel suspicions that the original band were being undercut.  "They're not doing a new Guireans album in there", he lied to reporters outside Grimersta. "It's another AGOFR supergroup Xmas collaboration EP, honest - a tribute to Green Day, Chuck Berry, and the Charlatans, who all died this year. Oh yus they did. They fleekeen did, right?!?"

 

Rummaging uncomfortably in a bag of cheap Pakistani reeds that Boxer Doyle gave him in 1975, Guirean Jr also denied claims that he had been demoted to "chanter roadie".

 

The secret session was evidently held unbeknownst to key Guireans such as the 2 Roddies, Jimmy Petrie, Niall Hippy and John Allan. However, Bod is rumoured to have been at the controls as usual, and Gordon "Mod" Macleod has recently been spotted posing around North Street with a bass guitar.

 

Sadly for Ken, the perfectionism of his new session musos appears to be affecting productivity. Despite clocking up a massive 25 minutes of studio time, only 3 and a bit songs have been recorded so far. "Who do these coves think they are - Pink Floyd?", emoted anonymous Guirean Roddy "Who's Thon David Tennents B**ch Anyway?" Morrison yesterday. "We'd have filled a C90 up in that time - no bother".

 

Ken may now be forced to re-employ the original band to complete the album in the  remaining 12 studio minutes that his strict budget allows, possibly with the aid of Morrison's (alleged) Time Lord powers.

 

Or he might turn it into an AGOFR supergroup EP after all.