The Guireans

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Pronounced Goo-thans (1979) 

 

EMI Cassette Super C60 (Unreleased) (1980)

 

Jazz Mucus for Funk People EP (1982)

 

Winter Feis (Live Appearance 1982)

 

Olacs Volume 79 (1983)

 

Midges Of Rock (Live Appearance) (1983)

 

Mehags Agus Fuidheags (1984)

 

Calan Bow Gets Run Over (1984)

 

Bogie Goes to Bennadrove (1985)

 

Ch***y Al*ne Picks The Guireans (Compilation 1985)

 

Hey Hey We're Gordon Macleod's Guireans (1986)

 

The Cac Album (1987/88)

 

Guireans on 45 (1988)

 

Live At The Cross Inn (5/7/1988)

 

The Brag Demos + Free Muriel Gray (1989)

 

J*** S**** is a H***s*x**l (1989)

 

Late Period Singles and EPs (1990 and beyond)

 

Alasdair Mackay Is God (Sorry - Bod) (2002)

 

How Much Mor Cac Could It Be? - The Midges of Rock 2003

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EMI Cassette Super C60 (Unreleased) (1 side of a C60) (1980)

Sleeve by some cove in the cassette factory

Personnel:

Ken (Don’t call me Coinneach) Livingstone : Vocals; Guitar

Gordon (Macca) Macleod : Vocals; Guitar

Iain (Dead Olac) Livingstone :  Vocals; Guitar; Keyboards; Electric Fire Grille

Jimmy (Petrie) Petrie : Vocals; Drums; Keyboards

(Used Tape + Underlying Boney M tracks supplied by Duncan Macmillan from East Street)

Like the Sex Pistols, the Guireans were briefly "on EMI". Unlike the Pistols this did not entail a massive advance or a signing ceremony at Buckingham palace, just the recording of their second album on a dodgy used EMI C60.

"EMI Super C60" was so called because nobody could be fleeked making up a name for it or drawing a cassette cover. It was recorded in the autumn/winter of 1980 in the Livingstones’ sitting room again, using pretty much the same instruments and personnel as “Pronounced Goo-thans”.

The notable exception was “And I Love Her”, recorded in Gordon (Gordy Poser) Macleod’s back room where the grille on the electric fire was used to provide "latin" percussion. An empty Victoria biscuit tin was used to achieve the requisite Joy Division/PiL/Cure sound of desolation on the post-punk instrumentals and “Slow Death”.

While it is hard to envisage the band sinking below the depths plumbed by "Pronounced Goothans",  "Super C60" turned out to be the band's “difficult” 2nd album. “Difficult” as in “only good for spreading on the feannag and even then it would probably kill your spuds”.  So embarrassingly bad was this effort that it was never released. Which is saying something in the world of the Guireans, where release usually meant making 1 copy of the original tape. 

“EMI Cassette Super C60” is admittedly consistent. Consistently s***e, from the Mark E Smith meets Mag E Thatcher ravings of “Socialist Society”, to the Oi version of the “Captain Scarlet” theme, to “Fanky Town”, where a bit of orange peel in the singer’s gob was used to replicate the distorting sound of Lipps Inc’s disco vocoder. 

The aftermath of this album was disastrous for the original Guireans lineup – Guilt and horror at the atrocity in which they had participated led all but the least perceptive member of the band, Iain ("I Like Matchbox") Livingstone, to quit “music” forever.

Gordon, mortified at the band's failure to make him sound like 1980 poseur idols Perrett, Sylvian, McCulloch or Cope, left immediately, his dreams of moody NME cover shots and instant blone magnetism shattered. Enemies of Gordon’s have been known to offer serious amounts of money for a copy of  his deadpan version of the Beatles’ “And I Love Her” in the hope of blowing the streamlined ex-Mod’s cool image and prestigious academic career.  Fortunately for Gordon, none have offered enough – yet.

Jimmy ("James") Petrie departed soon afterwards. In an effort to regain some rock 'n' roll credibility, Petrie arranged to be assassinated outside his exclusive North Street apartment building in the closing months of 1980. His first choice for the job was psychotic US JD Salinger obsessive Mark Chapman, but unfortunately he had another job on that day. Petrie instead hired Dolag Chapman from down the road. Dolag wasn't obsessed with JD Salinger but was quite keen on JD Williams. Later investigations revealed an extensive trail of correspondence from Chapman to the author throughout the 60s and 70s, usually involving postal orders and demands that he send her items of clothing or household ornaments from his catalogue.

Widespread press reports (in the "items for sale" column of December 1980's Plasterfield Advertiser) reported that Chapman had slain Petrie with a single blow from a loaded Charley Barley's marag.

Before his assassination, Jimmy took care to record a few mystery tracks which could be hidden away and rediscovered later on, including the legendary "Free As A Church" which resurfaced on 2002's "Alasdair Mackay is God (Sorry - Bod)".

Unfortunately, Petrie soon forgot he was supposed to be dead and was tempted to appear in Ken "Auteur of Audit" Livingstone's 1981 Guireans Video. This gave the game away a bit and once again consigned his public image to the ocrach.He applied to join the Foreign Legion, but was rejected on the grounds of being 12 and had to do his forgetting in Balivanich instead. He took his current job (as the guy who has to stand beside the explosions in Tawse’s quarry) to make himself deaf so that he wouldn’t have to listen to the noises in his head any more.

Ken (“Look, it’s Ken, not Kenneth and most definitely not *&^* Coinneach, OK?”) Livingstone was already becoming the Guireans’ Andy Warhol, increasingly involved in a film directing career (The 6 Dollar Man 1977, Turkey & Smutch 1978, The Guireans Video 1980, Les Mauvaises Jeunes 1983 etc) where production values were not dissimilar to those in the Guireans’ recording studio. (see Von Trier and Vinterberg’s clearly derivative Dogme manifesto of 1995).

As an aspiring director and accountant Ken believed he had a certain cool to maintain, and therefore felt he had to leave the Guireans as membership was bad for his public image. He has since been prone to occasional comebacks whenever he mistakenly thought there might be some cred to be gained (eg 1983’s Midges of Rock festival).

John (Bryll Creem Kid) Allan – to his eternal credit – did not appear on this album, allegedly because he had conflicting studio commitments singing with his other band, extra greasy doo-wop revivalists Rocky Sharpe and the Replays. ("Ram A Lam A Ding Dong"). He never recorded as a Guirean again, despite frequent appearances - invariably as the chief villain who meets a grisly doom - in Ken’s low budget "cac-sploitation" movies.

Tracks

1.        Captain Scarlet (Oi version)

2.        United

3.        And I Love Her

4.        Tuning Pipe Blues

5.        Post Punk Instrumental

6.        Theme From Kojerk

7.        What’s Behind the Mask?

8.        Slow Death

9.        Socialist Society

10.     Fanky Town

11.     More Post Punk Instrumental

12.     Socialist Society (Reprise)