Roddy (Huggan) Huggan: Vocals, Drums, Guitar

Iain (Deadstone) Livingstone : Bass; Drums; Chanter; Vocals

Alasdair (Bod) Mackay:  Guitar; Vocals; Drums

Recorded in the Livingstones’ over a couple of Saturdays in the Summer of 1984. This is considered by “some” to be the definitive Guireans album, but in a career of low and even lower points this isn’t saying much.

The “konpsept”, or repeated motif, of the unfortunate Mr Bow’s vehicular demise (Walk on the West Side, Cromwell St, Gospel Mucus for Curam People, Calan Bow is Dead) was chosen as a metaphor to express the Guireans’ abhorrence of the crushing ascendancy of technology over humanity in modern society, with particular reference to its primary totemic manifestation (the Tractor) in the Outer Hebridean cultural milieu of the late 20^th century. And because “Bow” is easy to rhyme with lots of things (like “cow”).

Atrocious sound quality is the result of using a cheap (Yashima UFO) C48 to record on. And general incompetence.

Several of the tracks on this one acquired er… classic status: “Walk on the West Side”, “Todhar”, “Sound of Shawbost”, “Love of Back” and “Industry – Gut Factory”.  This last was the Guireans’ attempt to jump on the fashionable and highly pretentious “Industrial” bandwagon being championed by NME lovelies Test Dept, SPK and Einsturzende Neubaten in the mid-80s).

“Pipes of Pot” is classic probably only for a certain M***y, aka J***y from somewhere South of Soval, for whom Paul McCartney’s Japanese drug bust coincided with a similar experience at home, (with his bodach and cailleach playing the role of the Tokyo Police Department).

Topical subject material is mixed with a large amount of sweary words, and extremely poor taste (eg on the hi-NRG gay disco p***-take “Village Mucus for People People” and the Joy Division doom-and-gloom obituary for a well-known Lewis figure New Donny Fades). Had any of the material been good enough to see the light of day, the Guireans would have been prosecuted, sued and lynched at the same time. And there would have been letters to the Gazette as well.

Fortunately musical ineptitude (which meant that no-one could recognise the songs or make out the lyrics) and total obscurity (which meant that nobody ever heard them anyway) saved the Guireans from themselves once again.

Tracks:

1.       Walk on the West Side

Probably the Guireans' least unknown song ever. Thon Loo Read cove would not be impressed. The spurious rhyming of "Calan Bow" with "Cow" in this song sparked off the theme which dominates the rest of the album. In this song, ironically Bow experiences only a near miss from aspiring interior decorator Calum's tractor. In subsequent tracks he is almost always killed.

2.       The Dukes of Habost

Them good ole boy racers from Hazzard County seemed to be role models for a lot of RS2000 drivers. Which is what this was about. Sadly it neglected to draw the obvious Boss Hogg/S***y M*th*s*n comparisons.

3.       Todhar – (Manure Music for Todhar People)

Unlike the subject of Edw*n St*rr's "War (What is it Good For?)",  Todhar is good for quite a lot of things, some of which are identified in this number.

4.       Cromwell St (MC Mucus for 5 People)

You'd have to be an MC5 fan and know that the Clachan used to be the Macs for this to make any sense.

5.       Free Nelson Mac an t-Shronaich

Back in 84 Everybody was getting steamed up about Nelson Mandela being locked up. But What about poor Mac an t-Shronaich, misunderstood and falsely imprisoned mythical Leodhasach liberation struggler and proto revolutionary?

6.       Rocka Mucus for Billy Goat People

Probably forced on the rest of the band by Iain "Matchbox" Livingstone.

7.       Cocktail Mucus for Jazz People

Noel Coward meets Everything But The Girl meets Sade at a sophisticated jazz evening in the County Public. Sophisticated jazz was very trendy in 1984.

8.       Echo Mucus for Love of Back People

Mumbling lots of pretentious things, the Guireans finally react to the Rabbitcoves' 1983 Caberfeidh gig. Makes more sense than the original.

9.       Pipes of Pot

All about (J**c*) Macca(Le*d)'s drug bust in L*x*y. Not Tokyo. 

10.     Gospel Mucus for Curam People

The Guireans could have got on Songs of Praise with this testifying tale of a battle between rival council dignitaries in the afterlife.

11.     The Sound of Shawbost (Part I)

"I didn't know you were a maw, Art" - Perhaps the 2nd least unknown Guireans song.

12.     The Sound of Shawbost (Part II)

The tape ran out at the end of side 1, so the rest of the song was at the start of side 2.

13.     Village Mucus for People People

"Hawww!!" "See somethin' ya like, Mac?" etc etc. The Guireans tribute to Hi-NRG gay disco, featuring a medley of tracks by some people who must be maws (because they're from a village, get it?) and a big fat cove who must have been holy because he said he was Divine. Features "You think you're a Maw", "In The Free Church" and not many others. Not very like the originals because The Guireans weren't familiar with them at all at all - or so they claimed.

14.     New Donny Fades/Sermony

Tasteless obituary thing. Not nice. No MP3 available, ever!

15.     The Ceards/Kids/Sids are All Right

16.     Psychedelic Mucus fur Springsteen People

17.     Am Marag Dubh (Bono Mucus for Vox People)

18.     Calan Bow is Dead (Folk Club Mix)

19.     Industry (Gut Factory)

"Industrial" music played on lumps of concrete and pneumatic drills was very fashionable in 83/84. The Guireans had every right to leap on the bandwagon, given the things they'd been using as instruments since 1979. A blank indictment of the inexorable process by which the people - by the act of executing industrial processes - become themselves the subject of those processes, and are thus transformed into automatons, operating mindlessly within grim and monolithic industrial installations. Like the Gut Factory, aka Tigh nan Guts (not to be confused with Patti Smith's "P*ss Factory", unless she was singing about a herring byproducts plant as well).

20.     What Difference Does It Mehhhh?

Miserable bleating. Not unlike Morrisey and the coves' original, actually. Got to admit I always preferred the Smiths' lemonade (as brewed at Parkend Industrial Estate) to their records. Oh yus - thon Zip-a-Cola was spot on. At least until they started cutting corners by watering it down and using less fizz.

What? You're telling me North Street's former soft drink king, property baron and garden centre magnate D*vid I*in Sm*th is not the same person as Manchurian moan merchant St*v*n P*tr*ck M*rrisey?!? Well I'll be fleeked!